No one gave a thought to the older worlds of space as sources of human danger, or thought of them only to dismiss the idea of life upon them as impossible or improbable. - H.G. Wells, "The War Of The Worlds"
Friday 01 January 2010
Hogmanay
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The soundtrack from a Martian Hogmanay....all of it brilliant in one way or another.
OK, we're sorry. You won't often hear Martians say that. Here's what's been going on:
John did the Malawi thing, it was all massively successful. Good times were had by all and many new friends made in many new countries. Seeing Africa for the first time seems to have made a bit of an impression on the Glorious Martian Leader (TM). He continues to become more muscular, in a still-not-very-strong way.
Gerry continues to lead ghost tours of various dangerous places (trip hazards) and prefers his food to have a mathematical basis, either pizza's inate pi based geometry or the happily numerical Chinese takeaway menu. He is continuing his exploration of computer technology through the reverse engineering of games from Starwing on the SNES back through 2D and text based variants of RPGs. He's gone through spreadsheets and he's now hacking through to databases by working out the text files he's extracted from games before DOS. geoff looks terrified.
Speaking of the worm, he nearly got eaten by a shark 300m of Portobello beach. He claims it was probably a porpoise fin slashing through the water feet away from him, but we know better and promise to train our sharks better in future.
Houston continues to rule the Earth, slowly, but surely, from the ground up. His Chicken Survival Rate is now the envy of many in Lanarkshire. His underground/overground "P In A Field" festival is ever present.
Gareth has been doing some Real Acting which does not involve pizza and car crashes but instead breaks from tradition by going for drugs and motorbike crashes instead. Casualty, they call it.
So we've been busy. To make up for this fact, and damn whichever rights we might have promised to our Landlord instead of the real rent, here's some stuff from our back catalogue. There's more to follow, until we get some new stuff recorded, which we will.
We are The Martians. When we go quiet you need to start worrying...
Slowly, and alphabetically, we draw our plans against you...
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Right, enough of this nonsense.
Our website, our plans (dastardly) and, quite frankly, our damn planet at the end of the day. We Are The Martians.
And slowly, and alphabetically, we draw our plans against you. Mostly at least.
Alba first obviously. That's the first thing we saw coming out of the pod. America came later, and did not fare well from the extra preparation. Then a hurrying Frenchman wittered something about cats and "Angleterre", so we had that too. The next obvious spot was Arica.
Yes, yes, laugh all you want, but there was a tea stain we didn't spot and it turns out it's got an "F" in there (and a place called Malawi), but you can't let little details like that get in the way of a perfectly good Invasion Plan.
So we went, we saw, and we took our own brand of Martian Nonsense with us. It doesn't change you know....Martian Nonsense is Martian Nonsense wherever you go.
So there you have it. What we did on our holidays, and why you've not heard much. There'll be far more to follow, but in the meantime, here's something with John offscreen....on guitar....playing a dreadful song he wrote. One of many....and entire musical-ful in fact.
More here: [link] Tickets for the Edinburgh Festival show here: [link]
Festival Official News: Obviously a bit busy. Nothing Martian planned, Maybe busking. Please hold your breath....
In fact, we've got several - there's our Down The Mines list, our First Against The Wall list, our Deserving Of A Quick Death list and so on.....and then there's The List.
Our List with a capital L is the master list, the important one to which all others are secondary. It contains the important things we need to do with our short and fleeting lives...here's a sample:
Repel Zombie Attack
Meet and shake hands of all extant Doctors
Force making of third Ghostbusters film
Make Funny Game an Olympic event.
For those of you who don't yet know Funny Game, this is a demonstration courtesy of Pockets and Fox...
But that's all incidental to what happened yesterday.....
You may be aware that the geoff has a bit of a track record with pigeons, but it's taken a sinister turn recent. He got up for work the other day to find two pigeons in the living room. It made him late for work, it was very funny...or at least we thought so....but he appears to have gone a bit mental again. Look what we found on the window sill yesterday morning...
We suspect he left it there as a warning.
So what do you do with a dead pigeon on your window sill five floors up? It's a quandry, but it nicely fits in with list item number 2(b):
"Have a lovely day that ends with a spot of corpse disposal."
Love, The Martians x
(PS - Whatever you read in the papers John is neither sexy or powerful. Quite the opposite in fact.)
Hello, us again. Sorry it's been a while. We've been very busy. Now stop whining and get on with the grovelling.
This is a tricky post which involved a lot of thought. The thing is, it involves a swear word. Not a particularly bad one, but...well....you know....
Our Dad reads this and he knows Our Mum and might tell her. We're not quite sure what happens then, we've always managed to avoid it so far (except on stage, which doesn't count because there are witnesses and innocent bystanders) but we're really not sure we should do this....
The majority of the Problem involves time travel. We keep having all these marvelous ideas which keep turning up in obscure places. Script ideas crop up in TV programs from the 1970s that we've never seen before, life keeps imitating art. Here's a classic example - we would refer you particularly to the bit about sadistic murders of pigeons, and a certain Sir Cameron Mackintosh who still owes Gerry a duel and who's name we hope we've spelled correctly this time...
We call this phenomenon "Time Bastardry", which is the nub of the Problem. We were going to call it Time Banditry but it turns out that's already been done. Bastards. Sorry Mum.
Still, we've got some original things on the go which haven't been mucked about with by the temporal tinkerers yet, a few interesting ideas you'll hopefully hear more of later in the year.
(We've got back-up on this: Knight of the Order of St. Gregory the Great)
Tony Hart: Heaven.
(Sorry, no picture does this one justice.)
Gives you all something to aim for.
Star Trek II: Wrath Of Khan is still a masterpiece that deserves reviewing, alongside the original "Space Seed". Not to mention Morph, The Gallery and the creator of the Blue Peter Badge.
Aside from that, work is ongoing at MarsHQ. We think this year will be very interesting...that's about all we can say for sure.
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